First of all, 'Equilibrium' was made before, it was called 'Farenheit 451,' and it was based on one of the most famous science fiction novels of all time. Second, just because they've coupled 'Farenheit 451' with 'The Matrix,' and 'Prozac Nation,' and 'Triumph of the Will,' and 'Brave New World,' and John Woo (And gun kata? Seriously? I thought bullet ballet was just supposed to be a cool sounding metaphore...), and every other dystopic, futuristic pseudo-fascist cliche, just confirms the fact that this muck is nothing more than a lame retread. And while I'm at it, 'Demolition Man' already did the "future = no sex" thing and even though the film was just about as bad as 'Judge Dredd,' the sex joke was hilarious. But the real question is, why is the future never any fun?
Many great dystopias have been brought to the big screen. 'Children of Men' is one of the latest, and certainly one of the greatest, and it's worth drawing attention to Michael Caine's hilarious turn as a sexagenarian stoner to demonstrate just how fun the post-apocalypse can be; 'Dark City' and 'The City of Lost Children' were underrated gems, meshing great concepts with masterful sets, finding beauty in the darkness; 'V For Vendetta,' against all odds, managed to mix the Wachowskis' (via Alan Moore) lame conspiracy politics with humour and daring swashbuckling; nothing more needs to be said about 'Blade Runner,' the 'Mad Max' series, or '12 Monkeys,' except to reiterate that it's entirely possible for fun to outlast the atomic bomb.
Not in 'Equilibrium' though. Instead, the film had me browsing the web within 15 minutes. It had me downloading new and more promising films to ease the pain, within the hour. I had to break in the middle for a few days just to get through it. And this from a film with one of the highest body count characters (Christian Bale's John Preston kills 118 people during the film according to http://moviebodycounts.com/). One would think that 118 kills in just under 2 hours - that over 1 kill a minute, for Bale alone - could hold one's attention. But body count alone does not make a good film (or even a terrible one, unfortunately, because I can watch two hours of trash if I'm laughing my ass off, but 'Equilibrium' commits the worst crime in cinema by simply being mediocre). Like all the characters in 'Equilibrium,' during the course of the film I was tempted to start shooting Prozac straight into my jugular (or Prozarium, or whatever ham-fisted name they came up with to hammer home the weak analogy). Unfortunately, this wasn't because the film was such a masterful work of genius that violent passions overcame my docile nature (or something... according to the film, the Mona Lisa led to the Third World War, and not, like, philistine Presidents and the military-industrial complex). Instead, I simply wanted to kill the drabness and boredom that matched the dull grey sets and the characters' expressionless faces.
So here's hoping the next time Hollywood tackles the apocalypse or the atom bomb (or political corruption, mental or physical disabilities, or even the Holocaust), they do so with a smile.
Equilibrium: 2/10
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